Talk Like a Pirate, Matey!

Shiver me timbers, tis that time of year again! Hoist the Jolly Roger and prepare to board! Ye'd best be talkin' like a pirate today or ye'll be scrappin barnacles with various and sundry bodyparts as we haul ye 'round the keel. Aye, walkin' the plank is too good for land lubbers refusing to talk like pirates!

Now where's me Captain? (Morgan that is.)

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Josh the Quick, the ladies

Josh the Quick, the ladies do call me. Arr!

- Josh, wait, not like tha...

Arrrrr, dammit Josh ye survy

Arrrrr, dammit Josh ye survy dog! Ye stole me other joke!

A retired pirate moved

A retired pirate moved inland. He visited the local bar, and the bartender was shocked. Pirates were rare inland, but this one had a wooden leg, an eyepatch, and a hook.

"Are you a pirate?"
"Arr, that I was, but now I be retired!"
"Wow. Hey, how did you get the wooden leg?"
"I was in a fight with the British navy, and a cannonball rolled across the deck and took me leg off."
"Wow, that's awful!"
"Say, how did you get a hook?"
"Ahhh, that be a good story. I had a swordfight with old Blackbeard himself. I slew 'im, but he got me hand before I killed him!"
"That's amazing!"
"Yes, lad."
"Say, how did you get the eyepatch?"
"I had to buy one to cover up me missing eye."
"Wow, how did that happen?"
"I was on the deck of me ship, and I looked up to see the clouds, and a seagull shit right in me eye!"
"And that knocked out your eye?"
"Oh no, lad. Twas the first day I had me hook..."

- Josh

Arrr, I told my wench to get

Arrr, I told my wench to get me some meat and grog. The smart lassie told me to shove me hook into me bung hole.

Don't you mean, "ARR-ested

Don't you mean, "ARR-ested Development"?

Arrested Development returns

Arrested Development returns tonight, but I don't get TV service at my house, so I'll have to download it off BitTorrent.

Or did you mean some other kind of pirate?

Arrrr, this be an

Arrrr, this be an appropriate time as any to tell a pirate joke!

Me captain, 'e walks into a bar with a big ship's helm wheel 'anging from 'is pantaloons. The bartender, 'e says, "Excuse me, sir, but d'you know you've got a ship's wheel 'anging from the front of your pants?" An' me captain, 'e says...

"Arrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"