Kentucky needs submarines

Your tax dollars at work.
Edit Oct 5, 2003: I am going to cut and paste the actual words of the House Resolution for posterity's sake:

HR 256 (BR 2906) - T. Burch

Encourage the purchase of a submarine to patrol the waters of the Commonwealth and search and destroy all casino riverboats.

Mar 25-introduced in House
Mar 26-to House Floor

And from the linked document file:

A RESOLUTION encouraging the purchase and vigorous use of the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class submarine.

WHEREAS, in the past few years the scourge of the casino riverboat has been an increasingly significant presence on the Ohio River; and

WHEREAS, the Ohio River borders the Commonwealth of Kentucky; and

WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and

WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky citizens;


Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:

Section 1. The House of Representatives does hereby encourage the formation of the Kentucky Navy and subsequently immediately encourages the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine, namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may encounter.

Section 2. The House of Representatives does hereby authorize the notification of the casino riverboat consulate of this Resolution and impending whoopin' so that they may remove their casino vessels to friendlier waters.

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What about heavily armed

What about heavily armed patrol gliders to destroy all the invisible casino dirigibles in Kentucky's sacred airspace? Are they to receive no funding at all?

To heck with a submarine,

To heck with a submarine, man, un-mothball one of the old Battleships and have 16" guns prowling the Ohio.

Even non-Iowa class Battleships would scare the casino boats into submission. A submarine is for killing shipping and NOT letting them know you're around. Wouldn't it be better to have a visible deterrent?

OTOH, I suppose there's the "you never know where they are, so better not go out on the water" aspect of a submarine, but...

(oh, wait, they're not joking? oh my...)

This resolution was actually

This resolution was actually introduced by one of Kentucky's legislators to illustrate the absurdity of their continued prohibition of gambling.

See Snopes for a detailed explanation.

Let's not forget that mighty

Let's not forget that mighty weapon of war, the Swiss Navy!